Even the greatest man who ever lived had his Father as his mentor and worked every miracle surrounded by his student “Believers” and very few miracles around the “Doubters” and “Unbelievers” and at times even encoraged them to leave, for the right enviroment to perfom the miracle he was sent to do. At times he even challenged their limiting beliefs in LOVE for their own benefit with many choosing to change their minds to allow “Physical Miracles” to take place in the present and more importantly shared his knowledge and understanding of the better supernatural miracle promise of eternal life with him, by offering to believe in him and for them to choose to have a moment-by-moment personal heavenly relationship with and through Him by his Spirit! As his promise is still true for every believer to this day of never to leaving us us or disowning us! WOW! Now that’s good news!
Never underestimate the power of influence. What an important statement.
The influence of those around us is so powerful. Many times, we don’t even realise we’re being strongly influenced because it generally develops over an extended period of time. Peer pressure is an especially powerful form of influence because it is so subtle.
If you’re around people who spend all they make, chances are excellent that you’ll spend all you make. If you’re around people who go to more ball games than concerts, chances are excellent that you’ll do the same. If you’re around people who don’t read many books, chances are excellent you won’t read many books.
People around us can keep nudging us off course a little at a time until, finally, ten years from now we find ourselves asking, “How did I get here?”
Those subtle influences need to be studied carefully if we really want our lives to turn out the way we’ve planned.
Now, on this major point, let me give you three key questions to ask. This may help you to make a better analysis of your current associations.
Here is the first question: Who am I around?
Good question. Make a mental study of the major people with whom you most often associate. You’ve got to evaluate everybody who is within the circle of being able to influence you. So, major question: Who am I around?
Next question: What are they doing to me?
That’s a major question to ask. What have they got me doing? What have they got me listening to? What have they got me reading? Where have they got me going? What have they got me thinking? How have they got me talking? And how have they got me feeling? What have they got me saying?
You’ve just got to make a serious study of how others are influencing you, both negatively and positively.
Now, maybe the influence of all those around you is okay. But just ask yourself. It doesn’t hurt to ask: Who am I around, and what are they doing to me?
Now, here’s the final question: Is that okay?
Maybe the people you associate with and their collective influence is okay. But then again, maybe it’s not. All I’m suggesting here is that you take a close and objective look. Everything is worth a second look, especially the power of influence.
Positive influence can have an incredible effect on your life, but so can negative influence. Both will take you somewhere, but only one will take you in the direction you truly wish to go.
It’s so easy just to dismiss the things that influence our lives. The man says, “I live here, but I don’t think it matters. I’m around these people, but I don’t think it hurts.”
I would take another look at that.
I’ve got a good phrase for you: Everything matters.
Now, sure, some things matter more than others, but everything matters. Everything weighs something. So you’ve got to keep checking to find out whether associations are tipping the scales toward the positive or toward the negative. It doesn’t hurt to look, right? Ignorance is never the best policy. Finding out is the best policy.
Remember, part of the purpose of this program is to get us to say, “The days of kidding myself are over. I really want to know what I have become and what I am becoming. I want to know where my strengths and my weaknesses lie. What has power over me? What’s influencing me? What have I allowed to affect my life?”
Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the little bird. He had his wing over his eye, and he was crying.
The owl said to the little bird, “You’re crying?”
“Yes,” said the little bird, and he pulled his wing away from his eye.
“Oh, I see,” said the owl. “You’re crying because the big bird pecked out your eye.”
And the little bird said, “No, I’m not crying because the big bird pecked out my eye. I’m crying because I let him.”
Hey, it’s easy to let influences shape our lives, to let associations determine our direction, to let persuasions overwhelm us, to let tides take us, to let pressures make us. The big question is: Are we letting ourselves become what we wish to become?
In this most important subject of association, here are some actions you may want to take.
First: Disassociation.
You may, after a study of those three questions—Who am I around? What are they doing to me? And is that okay?—come to the serious conclusion that there are some people you just have to break away from.
I’m not saying that it’s an easy step to take, and it’s not to be taken lightly. However, I am saying it may be an essential task. You may just have to make that hard choice not to let certain negative influences affect you anymore. Remember, it could be a choice that saves the quality of your life.
The second action you may want to take is limited association.
It could well be that you are spending too much time in a certain area of your life with a certain group of people. It’s easy to put time and effort in the wrong place.
The guy spends three hours at the ball game and thirty minutes listening to the sermon. See, that’s called out of balance—thirty minutes for spirituality, three hours for entertainment. That doesn’t weigh well five years from now, ten years from now, when you take a look at the sum total of your values in your life.
Here’s one of the easy ways to end up with a mediocre, average life: spending major time on minor things.
Sophisticated people learn to weigh everything before they spend time or money. You’ve got to weigh before you pay. Whether you’re going to spend heavy time or light time, you’ve just got to weigh. Otherwise, if you’re not careful, you can get trapped into spending heavyweight time with lightweight people.
Now, it’s okay to have casual friends, as long as you give them casual time, not serious time. Spend major time with major influence and minor time with minor influence. It’s so easy to do just the opposite, but don’t let it be said that you fell into that trap.
So maybe all you need to do to change some of the influences in your life is not to eliminate them, but merely limit them. Say, “I have a good time with these people, but I’m not going to spend days and days with them anymore. I’m just going to cut that down and save some of that time for more major people and more major enterprises.”
Remember, it’s your life. You can spend your time with whomever you want and whenever you want. But you didn’t invest in this program for me to kid you. Take a look at your priorities and your values. We have so little time at our disposal. Wouldn’t it make sense to invest it wisely?
If you have only a hundred dollars in your pocket, it’s okay to spend twenty for fun and put eighty toward your important values and commitments. But would you be happy reversing those percentages? Better to put the majority of your money where you know it will get you a positive return rather than put it where the taste is brief and the results are poor.
Of course, you must be the judge. You must determine whether the situation and the people call for disassociation or limited association. But remember, if it isn’t taking you where you want to be five years from now, ten years from now, now is the time to fix it.
The third process is the one I most strongly suggest you begin, and that is called expanded association.
That is spending more time with the right people—people of substance and culture, people who understand philosophy and discipline, people of accomplishment and character.
Many years ago, Mr. Shoaff said to me, “If you truly wish to be successful, you’ve got to get around the right people.” Then he said, “It looks like, in your present circumstances, you’re going to have to plot and scheme.”
And that was true. I had to plot and scheme to get around the right people. On some of those early opportunities I had to be around successful people, I would park my car a couple of blocks away. I knew that if they saw my car, I’d never get in. On more than one occasion I got the question, “How did you get here?” to which I would respond, “Oh, someone dropped me off.” And that was me—dropping me off a couple of blocks away.
Whatever you have to do, do it. Keep asking the question: Who can I get around? Who could I spend some time with? Who would have a positive influence on my life?
I played every trick in the book I could think of to get around the right people, but it was worth it.
Now here’s the surprise: it is possible, for a modest investment, to get around major people. If you had a chance to sit down for an hour or two with a wealthy person and all that you had to do was pick up the lunch tab, wouldn’t that be a bargain? That person might drop an idea on you that could change your life—for a lunch tab.
And that’s where we need to go to get our success plan: from successful people. Don’t pick up your plan, especially your financial plan, from unsuccessful people.
Here is something else exciting: it’s possible for people of modest means to start a wealth plan. You don’t have to be wealthy to have a wealth plan. You don’t even have to be healthy to start a health plan. All you have to be is smart—smart enough to say, “Hey, I’ve got the wrong plan, and I’m going to get around someone who has a better plan and make it my plan.”
So find some successful people to help you fill out your success plan. Find somebody healthy to get your better health plan going. Find somebody living a unique lifestyle to develop your lifestyle plan. This is called association on purpose—getting around the right people by expanding your circle of influence.
Here’s another good question for you: Where do you go for your intellectual feast?
Where do you go? Pity the man who has a favourite restaurant but not a favourite thinker. He’s picked out a favourite place to feed his body, but he doesn’t have a favourite place to feed his mind.
One way to associate with people of influence is through their writings—books, cassette tapes, whatever you can pick up. Maybe you can’t meet the person, but you can read his books or listen to his cassettes. Churchill’s gone, but he’s left some books. Aristotle’s gone, but we still have his ideas.
Search the catalogues for cassettes and libraries for books. Search the magazines. Search the documentaries. They are full of chances for association and intellectual feasting.
But in addition to reading and listening, we also need a chance to do some talking and sharing. I have some people in my life with whom I spend time on a regular basis who help me with important life questions, who help me refine my own philosophy, weigh values, and ponder questions about success and lifestyle.
We all need associations with people of substance to provide influence concerning major issues—society, money, enterprise, family, government, love, friendship, culture, taste, opportunity, community.
Behaviour is mostly influenced by ideas, and ideas are mostly influenced by education, and education is mostly influenced by the people with whom we associate.
So don’t join an easy crowd. Make sure you get around people who can ask the right questions about the latest ideas you’ve discovered—about your philosophy, your enterprise, your goals, your lifestyle.
Go where the demands are high, where the expectations are high, where the spotlight is on to grow, to produce, and to become more than you currently are.
One of the great good fortunes of my life was being around Mr. Shoaff for five years. During that time, he shared with me—at dinner, on an airplane, at a business conference, in private conversation with a group—all those ideas that caused me to make the helpful and necessary adjustments in my thoughts and activities.
And those daily changes, some so very slight, so very important, added up to such weighty sums in one year, three years, and five years.
A big part of the value of this association was having Mr. Shoaff repeat the ideas over and over. You just can’t hear basics, fundamentals, major pieces of the philosophy of life too often.
Another part was Mr. Shoaff’s unique ability to check and measure my progress. That is so important—measurable progress and having someone to monitor that progress.
I will never forget my first list of goals that I put together after Mr. Shoaff’s breakfast lecture on setting goals. My list contained only four or five items. When I showed it to him, he said, “Is this your list?”
I said, “Yes.”
Then he started asking those very wise questions that all people of success and substance are inclined to ask.
He asked, “How about your health goals?”
I didn’t have any of those on my list.
“How about your investment goals?”
Those were lacking.
“How about your travel goals? Your family goals? How about your goals for gifts and sharing? Who would you like to meet? What would you like to become? What skills would you like to develop? Did you ever want to write a book? A poem? Would you like to be a sophisticated person of power and influence and culture? How about education for your children? Would you like to be debt free? How about a splendid library stocked with the best of books? Would you like to make some new friends? Did you ever want to parachute out of an airplane? Fly a glider? Own a music library? Would you like to see New York, visit Paris, explore Rome? Do you need a ranch someday? A cabin in the mountains? Is there something you’d like to prove, a mark you’d like to make?”
Wow. What a mind-expanding conversation that was.
And this was only one of many to come over those five years. What fantastic help it is to have someone who can ask the right questions.
Remember, it’s not just the answers that are important—it’s the questions. Some of the most valuable influence comes from people with the awareness and skill to ask the major questions.
Here’s a project you might consider: choose two or three people for whom you have great respect. Ask each of them to make a list of the major questions they would ask if they wanted to help someone make the best choices that would lead to a successful and happy life.
If you get three lists, you will be surprised at the difference among them. Successful people approach life from a variety of experiences and a variety of attitudes.
Now, from these questions, you may get enough homework to get busy on for years to come.